Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
