He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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