I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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