Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
