She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
