the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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