My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
