Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
