i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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