Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
