living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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