Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
It was confusing and full of hummus
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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