omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
do herpes really smell.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
