so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
