we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
