Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He shit in the fireplace
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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