Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
