Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
