i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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