paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
