you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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