So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
