Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
