I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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