Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
