ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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