People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
