I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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