Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
