So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize