Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
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