no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
