I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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