I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
