I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
