I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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