I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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