I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
