Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
