Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
