capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
her facebook's as public as her vagina
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
