I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
