its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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