we're chasing vodka with high fives
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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