he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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