he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
