Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I checked into jail on foursquare
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
