I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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