At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
