Redeem this text for a blowjob
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
