hotel room ftw
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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