At least make sure they are 18
Why
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Nicole vs. Life
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
