drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
