overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
