Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
