no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
