U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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