I want to have your abortion
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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