Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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