I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
