hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Randomize
