??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
