Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
