Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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