I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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