its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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