Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
