I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Randomize
