Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
