our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
