you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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