We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
