Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
