sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
