My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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