I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
