Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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