I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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