I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
